I want to throw out every item of food in my house.

I haven't binged in ages. Well seems like ages. But boy did I binge tonight. I feel like i'm going to explode. I want to cry and scream and omg this is such a shit fucked up day :( 

I am never going to be skinny at this disgusting rate.

I grossly ate

- nachos
- baked potatoes with spaghetti and shit load of cheese
- le rice snack

YUCK 

Can't wait to see the scale in the morning. Not.

I thought i'd stopped the laxatives but stupidly had a liquid one right after the fibre I drank.

I want to puke but hate puking so much. I'm starting to hate food more though. I've already thrown out snacks my bf left here. Might get to throwing out the rest of the bad calorie shit.

I don't need this shit.

Fuck it, back to liquid fasting.

As of now 10pm

Till - at least wednesday night. 48 hours.

Who's in ?? Support would be great

xoxoxoox

I just calculated my bmi and it is 18.3 my goal bmi is 17.0. Thats 7lbs I have to lose! Im really trying to get there by January 5th because thats when I go back to school.
Hope everyone is doing well! Im so bored, I think im about to workout. Its 3:40am and stupid insomnia has me up again...

I finally got a computer in my room again!!! Woohoo! I'll be commenting you guys again ;) lol

heyaa girless ok i really need your advice i want to lose 5 pounds and 4 inches off my stomach in 9 days so i got untill wednesday the 6 of janury thats when i start back college
im thinking of starting a new diet ( below )
breakfast half past 9 : 150 Calories 2 weetbix some milk
snack half past 11 : 55 calories 1 yoghurt
dinner 2 o clock : 250 calories 1 picecs of fish
another snack 5 o clock : 150 calories half a tin of beans
supper half past 7 : 150 calories 2 weetbix some milk again lols
last snack 10 o clock : 55 calories another yogurt
2-4 hours running or speed walking a day 1000 sit-ups a day weights / toning half an hour 4 times a week its 810 calories a day
but will i lose weight on this diet when i am having so many calories or should i hardcore resicted and do tones of excrise ? ? ?
i REALLY REALLY need your help guys please please help me ! !
all my love and support rose x x x x

there is good news and there is bad.
good news: my friends did me a birthday surprise and it was very sweet and thoughtful :)
bad news: i broke my fast and fucking binged!
another bad news: i am terribly bloated.

it used to be so easy for me to lose weight. i was so skinny and perfect. now am FAT.
anyway, WATER fast tomorrow + shit load of exercise.

okay and sorry to say this but, i HATE wanabe anorexics!! wat the fuck?? is this for real? do they actually want an eating disorder? there is a difference between starving yourself and having anorexia. u can NEVER develop anorexia because you want to! so srsly get over yourself! this is so disturbing. GOD!

hope i dont offend anyone but its for your own good to stop what you are doing. just bc u have a pretty anorexic friend doesnt mean they are happy! doesnt mean u will be like her! srsly dont do this to urself.

so how is everyone doing? what do you guys think about the wannabe anorexics?

ur all amazing and supporting girlss.. good luck <3
XXX

My throat feels as though it's closed over. I think it's from the weed almost immediately after purging. Either that or the winter germs have finally got to me. My day is now going to be spent lying on my sofa, watching Come Dine With Me.
OOOH, i now have two 10lb ankle/wrist weights :) well, they've been ordered and payed for, so now just a short wait for them to arrive :)

Prom dress shopping soon. Prom is going to be... odd. Very judgemental, and extremely bitchy. It's an all-girl school, so that's 120 girls, and their plus ones. All the fuss about hair and makeup and dresses... my hair's dry and falling out, my skin's in the shitter because i've been picking at it non-stop, and dresses, i'll have to order mine and such last minute so that it's got more chance of fitting. Ugh. So much hassel.

This is the dress i'm looking at buying, ( Read more... )

Further down is a post I made on 7/7/2008. Basically marking the second straight year I'd been single. I haven't had much more than a hug from a woman since 6/30/2006, the night my most recent girlfriend threw me away, two weeks after my 23rd birthday. All of 23, all of 24, all of 25, half of 26 spent alone with no comfort in sight.

Constantly over hearing guys and girls at bars complaining that they haven't gotten laid in ( X ) days/weeks... I guess I should feel bad for them. Three and a half YEARS and counting! God I feel like such a fucking loser, a fat, ugly, loser... I'm not valuing sex, I just want female companionship so badly... I want to hold her and know I have Heaven in my arms. Someone to hold, talk to, confide in, love, defend/protect/fight for, bring joy to... You ask for the same thing for four years and nothing comes seems like madness...

2009 is over and I'm in the same exact place I was 3 and a half years ago. I had told myself that I'll get a girlfriend in 07... Something good will happen in 08... I won't try because it'll just happen in 09... Writing this right now makes me feel like I have a hole in my heart. What do I say in a few days when this decade ends? I may as well say that I'll find her in 2007. This will be the fourth straight New Years of watching all my friends hold and kiss their girlfriends and wives at midnight as I look down at my drink on the verge of tears.


Sitting in the dark,
The only illumination from my MacBook and Itunes.
Relaxing songs can be heard in the background.
A playlist created by my angel and I.

Sitting on my bed
Holding my seraph in my arms.
Her back to my chest, her head lays on my shoulder...
Close my eyes and take in the scent of her shampoo
No words are spoken, pleasantly interrupted
by phrases of sweet nothings.

I awaken and from my heaven,
I fall back to earth,
arrive in hell,
remembering I have no angel

Sitting in the dark,
The only illumination from my MacBook and Itunes.
Sad songs can be heard in the background.
A playlist I created.

Sitting on my bed
Holding my chest in my arms.
my heart is in pain, tears run to my shoulder...
Close my eyes and see myself
No words are spoken, painful thoughts ensue
of how alone I am.


It's 2010 and my youth is dying with no one to share it with...

Hey y'all! Gosh I think its been like a month since ive posted anything! Nothing good has happened though :( being out of school has made me gain weight ugh it sucks! But since its been a while i will post my stats again.

height: 5'1 (I think??possibly5'2 idk)
CW:97Lbs (GroSS)it makes me depressed just typing it :(
HW:103Lbs (WORST day of my life!)
LW:84Lbs (BEST day of my life!)

I really wanna get back into the 80s that is my ALL TIME GOAL! But I gotta start slow. So here are me goal weights:

1st: 95Lbs
2nd: 93Lbs
3rd: 90Lbs I hope I can make it!

I hope everyone has been doing good and had a GREAT Christmas! :)

 I really didn't want to b/p on Christmas..alas.

Today was really scary though... :( I was on the tube in the london underground and i felt really sick and then there was a man looking at me and was really close to my face asking me whether i had diabetes.

Turns out..i had passed out on the completely packed train against the door and when the doors opened, i fell out and crashlanded face-first on to the platform ..F*CK that was scary. The man put me in the recovery position and waited 'till i came round. My dad then ran off the tube train and the man vanished...

 

I was so embarrassed cause i was suddenly in the position of the person laying on the floor with a crowd of people around them.

 

Lack of food sucks. You'd think the body could make do with its own disgusting fat to live off, and believe me, there is enough of it in my case.. and HELLO! what the hell happened to fasting? ...not eating for days and then wtf? I had only not eaten for two days.. 

 

BUT now, joy of joys, i am being WATCHED by my sister and Dad who see to it that i eat.

Do you have any tips on barely eating anything but not passing out? 


Stay safe..

i just spend a little time reading through all your posts,
christmas is wierd... well its 22:06 here now... so its almoast over for me... yaay

i gained... i think i'm back to 55.5kg tomorrow morning... but i enjoyed my christmas with my bf... and i'm sick now... i've something like otitis... not sure it really is that yet... but it hurts really badly...

ok i'm planning on going back under 55 befor new years... and then in 2010 i'll NEVER be more than 55.0 and will first go to 52 kg... need to get to 52... thats a BMI of 20... would be great... really... i think i'll give a party when i'm finaly 52... just not tell people its because of that:P i didn't had a birthday party this year (i'm 19 since the 29th of november) so i can do that;P
and then ofcours to 50 kg (thats 110 pounds and from 55.5 kg thats still 12 pounds to lose) i really want to be there as soon as possible.. but atleast befor may!

and i'm a little afraid of the moment i'll start trying to stay at the same weight... because i find it so much easyer to be losing weight (or gaining) but staying the same weight is somehow impossible...

wel 2010 is a new start for lots of things... i'll come up with a list for the new year is a few days... going to bed now:P

hope you all had a nice christmas!?!

*hug*
mathilde

 typical day (1) 

Bfast:

1 cup skimmed milk w/ half cup fitness or special K cereal.

Lunch:

Fish (grilled) and salad ( no dressing).

Dinner:

Banana w/ 1 cup skimmed milk.

--------------------------------------------

Note: calcium helps w/ weight loss.

--------------------------------------------

( continue diet  )

today is my birthday. for some reason i thought no one will remember but now i feel so much better because my friends and cousins have been calling me all night and wishing to be the first lol. everyone remembered and even people that i havent spoken to in months. i dunno it just made me feel soooo much better and important.

cant go out anytime soon to celebrate it so am still liquid fasting. day two. just praying i dont get forced for lunch by my parents :(

am having TERRIBLE peanut butter and nutella cravings. any idea hot to shut them up? like terible terrible cravings like am gonna eat the whole jar. do i like have a tablespoon or something? =\

how are you lovelies doing? like srsly tell me i love reading ur comments. :P
and i rlly love this community it just feels so much better to talk about things and not feel like shit afterwards ir regret it :)
XXXX

I was sitting on the couch wearing a T-shirt and underpants. I felt weird and looked down to my legs. My butt has grown huge! Since I haven't done exercises and have eaten like a pig, I'm having cellulite!!! 

This week I made a plan to lose 8 kg, starting 1.1.2009, ending 5.6.2009. I'm going to try a diet rule max 1000 kcal. And I'm going to exercise every day. That's not what I'm used to, so that can be quite a challenge to me. And I'm going to take it.

Right now I don't know my weight, since I don't have the courage to stand on the scale 'cause of Christmas.

Today we are going to a sled hill. That will work as an exercise for this day.

What did you guys get for Christmas presents?? I gave the x-box game Lips 2 to my little brother.. But I think he's not even close as exited for it as I am! ^^ He likes to sing, not just these songs.

Okay, so, I decided to share some recent pictures of me. I'm pretty happy with how I'm going with my weight loss. I'm 48 kilos, and am aiming for 44, and I think I can manage that. Christmas shook me up a little bit, I'm recovering. By the way, I'm Maddie. I'm new. Feel free to friend me. :)

( Photos )

Why do i make up those holiday excuses? "oh its okay.. you can eat its the holidays!"

ummm NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

no! no! no! no! no!
it has to be the opposite.. family is coming and friends your suppost to LOOK and FEEl good, not grose and depressed! what the fuck is wrong with me? am i essed up on the head or something?

NEW YEARS IS SOON!! omg wtf am i doing.. ive been eating like CRAZY for the last few days.. stupid lame excuses.. no i cant do this anymore..

I have to start a diet. seriously. i remember those days (few months ago) when i was about 10 pounds lighter getting skinnier and skinnier, not bingeing and doing great.. what happened? why cant i do it anymore?

Maybe i need a plan.. does anybody want to diet with me? please message me! i cant live like this...

Its driving me insane.
I have to have christmas dinner with the family tomorrow, my aunts doing it and she does huge portions, I'm dreading it.
I've decided to go on a fast starting saturday don't know how long for yet depends how I feel and how quick the pounds drop off, hopefully I can manage 2 weeks.
Merry Christmas to you all x

just asking. is there anyone here who lives in dubai? =\ probably not i know lol but just wonderin

so where are you guys planning to spend christmas? well, for me i dont celebrate it cuz am not christian, but i pigged out today anyway. merry christmass to allllllll =D

where are you guys planning on spending the new years? am thinking either invite my frnds over for a sleepover and we bbq outside in the garden and then watch a movie, or we go to the beach and spend the night there not sure. or just stay home with family.

howz everyone doing? oh and by the way am starting a liquid fast tomorrow. until next friday. anyone likes to join?
XX

 Hey guys, i left this site for a while but now i'm back and ready to lose weight harder than ever. 
I'm currently just starting a no carb no junk diet, anyone wanna join me and me a weight loss buddy with me... i really need the support and will be here if you need it too. 
please write back .xx